Yesterday was a day of revelation, expression and strong emotion. What started out as a conversation in regards to Depression with my dad, proved to be one of the most impressionable times. The discussion involved speaking that everyone has imperfections and depression does not mean that you are flawed or "different" than others. Everyone has something that is less than perfect in their lives.The conversation evolved into something I never had expected. My dad had asked me if I watched the funeral of Senator Ted Kennedy. I replied," parts of it". He proceeded to tell me about When Ted Kennedy Jr. spoke in front of the congregation. He had to pause each time he tried to tell me because it was very emotional to him. Not knowing what he was going to tell me, I began to get the chills and tear up myself, as I had never seen my dad react in such a way.
Anxiously waiting, he finally got the words out. Ted Kennedy, Jr as a young boy, I believe at the age of twelve, had to have his leg from the knee down amputated due to cancer. I was not aware of this, but not suprised as this family has endured so much tragedy. My dad continued on, again, holding back the tears, telling me that when the Kennedy's lived in Virginia, there was a snow storm and Ted, Sr asked his son if he wanted to go sledding. Ted, Jr said yes so his dad got out the glider and off they went. Junior had just had an artificial leg put on and he was not practiced with it.
As they were trying to climb the hill to slide down, young Ted fell and began to cry. He had said he could not make it up the hill. His father told him that he could do anything and they would get up that hill together even if it took them all day long. To hear this, it rang so true to me as a Life Coach, I hear all too often how my client's parents never gave them encouragement or positive reinforcements. It is with my full belief that anyone can do anything they put their mind to. The only things that may stop people is their inner critic, their own belief system, fear of failure and the wrong asstitude.
Ted Kennedy Jr will never forget those words his dad told him on that winter day when he was very young. Just as we can remember good words that are spoken to us, we also remember negative, defeating words as well. That day that they were together was proof that if you have support, you can achieve anything. If you are told, you can do it, you hear it, you believe it and you do it. What Ted Kennedy had imposed on his son that day was to NEVER GIVE UP and this is a message I would like to extend to everyone as well.
Whether you have depression, anxiety disorder, cancer, missing limbs or anything that you feel as a barrier for you in life, remember the words of Ted Kennedy, " You Can Do Anything!"Ted Kennedy taught his son the most valauable lesson on that day and it is never too late to learn it, believe it and own it for yourself. So next time you are about to say to yourself " I can't do it" think of Ted Kennedy Junior and know that you too can do it. Put the negative beliefs that may have been instilled upon youint the past where they belong and start to day with the new belief of " Yes You Can" and you will see your world open up and show you what you have been missing!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
You Never Lose The Ability To Make Choices!
As long as I can remember, I have heard myself and others say the words, " I had no choice". Sure, it may feel like there are not many choices when you are stuck in a cycle of anxiety, depression or panic. With all my heart, I know that everyone has a choice even when they are stricken with these frightening and often misunderstood disorders. One never loses the ability of making a choice.
About 7 years ago now, I was stricken with the anxiety-depression monster. Days, weeks and months went by and I made the choice to just lay there and continue on my catastrophic thinking and allowing my choices to have it spiral deeper. As an educated person and a successful business woman, I felt I had no other choice at that time because my mind was playing tricks on me and my body was was trying so hard to keep up with the chronic adrenaline. It was that one day, that most important day of my life, that it came to me, I had a choice to keep myself stuck in this miserable, frightened state or I could change my thinking and start taking action. This one day was the beginning of my self success. No more was I the victim, I now had the freedom of choice, which had always been there but I never thought it was.
If you are stuck in an anxious state, a depressive state or anything other than what serves you, make that choice today to change. As having the experience, I know first hand it may seem easier to stay in the situation I was in, as the thought of putting in the effort to come out of it was bigger than the Empire State Building.
It all starts out with a thought.....The thoughts are actually what got me into the anxiety stricken place in the first place. Choosing to change the thoughts you are having to ones that will motivate and not give you the ever so unplesant sensations is the most important choice you can make for yourself. You cannot have a feeling without a thought first, for example: If you think to yourself, " What if I freak out and make a fool of myself in public?" What comes next is the sensations, the panic and the end result: AVOIDANCE. If you change that thought to one of: " I will be fine when I go out, I am just a bit anxious, everyone is from time to time, I will be fine!" You will not have that feeling of fear, doom and no avoidance. It all comes down to how you choose to think. I do not mean to make it sounds as though this is simple, because it clearly is not. The habit of thinking has been with you for some time and it will take at least 28 days to create the new way of thinking, but it must be tried and repeated daily. You have this choice, which choice do you want.......1. The one that is leaving you crippled in fear? 2. The one that will give you energy and strength to regain your life? There are steps to take, but the first and most important step to take is to make the choice to live a life filled with joy, security, confidence and one that is not limited, filled with fear and doubt and worry.
Every day we are faced with many choices, what we will eat for breakfast, what we will wear, what we will watch on tv, what book we will read...Life is about choices and it is no different when someone is suffering with anxiety, depression, panic, bipolar, agoraphobia, you have the choice to not live like this. Make this chocie today! Please for yourself!
Author's Bio Kristen L. Baker, married with 2 children, son 12 years old, daughter 11 years old. Proprietor of a successful catering business. She is a Certified Master Life Coach, Certified Spiritual Coach, Certified Wellness Coach. She is a published author of two books: "It's Okay To Have Anxiety....Really! and 30Day Boot Camp To Eliminate Fears & Phobias. Kristen coaches people in all aspects of life with a speciality in anxiety disorders, low self esteem, confidence building, Law of Attraction and goal setting. She is a dedicated coach and has her past experiences to thank for giving her this gift. You can learn more about Kristen at: www.lifecoachingworldwide.com or lifecoachingforyou.net
About 7 years ago now, I was stricken with the anxiety-depression monster. Days, weeks and months went by and I made the choice to just lay there and continue on my catastrophic thinking and allowing my choices to have it spiral deeper. As an educated person and a successful business woman, I felt I had no other choice at that time because my mind was playing tricks on me and my body was was trying so hard to keep up with the chronic adrenaline. It was that one day, that most important day of my life, that it came to me, I had a choice to keep myself stuck in this miserable, frightened state or I could change my thinking and start taking action. This one day was the beginning of my self success. No more was I the victim, I now had the freedom of choice, which had always been there but I never thought it was.
If you are stuck in an anxious state, a depressive state or anything other than what serves you, make that choice today to change. As having the experience, I know first hand it may seem easier to stay in the situation I was in, as the thought of putting in the effort to come out of it was bigger than the Empire State Building.
It all starts out with a thought.....The thoughts are actually what got me into the anxiety stricken place in the first place. Choosing to change the thoughts you are having to ones that will motivate and not give you the ever so unplesant sensations is the most important choice you can make for yourself. You cannot have a feeling without a thought first, for example: If you think to yourself, " What if I freak out and make a fool of myself in public?" What comes next is the sensations, the panic and the end result: AVOIDANCE. If you change that thought to one of: " I will be fine when I go out, I am just a bit anxious, everyone is from time to time, I will be fine!" You will not have that feeling of fear, doom and no avoidance. It all comes down to how you choose to think. I do not mean to make it sounds as though this is simple, because it clearly is not. The habit of thinking has been with you for some time and it will take at least 28 days to create the new way of thinking, but it must be tried and repeated daily. You have this choice, which choice do you want.......1. The one that is leaving you crippled in fear? 2. The one that will give you energy and strength to regain your life? There are steps to take, but the first and most important step to take is to make the choice to live a life filled with joy, security, confidence and one that is not limited, filled with fear and doubt and worry.
Every day we are faced with many choices, what we will eat for breakfast, what we will wear, what we will watch on tv, what book we will read...Life is about choices and it is no different when someone is suffering with anxiety, depression, panic, bipolar, agoraphobia, you have the choice to not live like this. Make this chocie today! Please for yourself!
Author's Bio Kristen L. Baker, married with 2 children, son 12 years old, daughter 11 years old. Proprietor of a successful catering business. She is a Certified Master Life Coach, Certified Spiritual Coach, Certified Wellness Coach. She is a published author of two books: "It's Okay To Have Anxiety....Really! and 30Day Boot Camp To Eliminate Fears & Phobias. Kristen coaches people in all aspects of life with a speciality in anxiety disorders, low self esteem, confidence building, Law of Attraction and goal setting. She is a dedicated coach and has her past experiences to thank for giving her this gift. You can learn more about Kristen at: www.lifecoachingworldwide.com or lifecoachingforyou.net
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Children with PTSD
Do you know someone who suffers with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? Or do you think you may have it? Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD, "is an anxiety disorder that some people get after seeing or living through a dangerous event.
When in danger, it’s natural to feel afraid. This fear triggers many split-second changes in the body to prepare to defend against the danger or to avoid it. This “fight-or-flight” response is a healthy reaction meant to protect a person from harm. But in PTSD, this reaction is changed or damaged. People who have PTSD may feel stressed or frightened even when they’re no longer in danger." ( National Institute of Mental Health)
It is very difficult for children that have PTSD because they can be misunderstood often times. They clearly regress into younger years and can revert back to days of infancy. The presentations can expose itself in many different ways, sadness, anger, nervousness, jumpiness, bed wetting, night sweats, reliving the event that caused fear and harm and so on.
As a mother of two children who have PTSD, I know how helpless a parent can feel, the shear frustration and the rollercoaster of emotions is horrific in itself. In my children's case, a boy whom is now 12 and a daughter who will be 11 in 2 weeks, they present very differently.
My son, a very shy and quiet boy, very athletic and also very caring has reacted in anger and in physical ways ( throwing things, gestures, damaging some of his things). He also has pulled away from me as he blames me for his personal injury because I was not there. He has periods of deep sadness and fear. He has withdrawn himself from family and he suffers a lot in silence. His grades have spiraled down and he does not care, he has frequent nightmares and night sweats. Panic attacks and sudden feelings of doom.
My daughter is a very outgoing young girl, always wanting to be a part of something. She was hurt worss and she has regressed into frequent tantrums, bed wetting, severe sadness and depression, bouts of anger and feeling that she will never be normal again. Frequent panic attacks and is afraid to be in her bedroom alone. She has not slept with out me for over a year!
Heart breaking to say the least as a mom and Life Coach who specializes in anxiety disorders, that I am helpless. I have tried all my techniques, but I am just too close to the situation. These two children attended an Indoor water park last February, where the chlorine levels were 40 and 50 times the normal level and they suffered from 2nd degree burns covering their bodies in entirety. Along with heart issues, asthma and chronic joint pain and chronic skin rashes that burn and itch and form blisters.
These children cannot go swimming like they used to love to do, in a chlorinated pool or ocean. They have had to discontinue soccer, track, Cross Country, gymnastics due to adverse reactions.
If you are parent and you think your child may be suffering with PTSD, it is not something that only war veterans suffer from. It can affect anyone at any age. Seek the help they need and always try to remain positive, although it is hard at times and your emotions can run high, please for your kids sake, don't let them see you hurting as well.
My children do see a professional psychologist and cognitive behavior therapy is helpful. In my experience, gaining trust back in the medical profession would be an improvement for my children.
Try not to beat yourself up as a parent, no matter what your expertise, a parent is too close and too emotionally involved. It takes time, but seeking professional help does make a difference. Never be afraid to ask!
Kristen L. Baker, M.L.C.,M.S.L.C.,Wellness Coach
www.lifecoachingforyou.net
When in danger, it’s natural to feel afraid. This fear triggers many split-second changes in the body to prepare to defend against the danger or to avoid it. This “fight-or-flight” response is a healthy reaction meant to protect a person from harm. But in PTSD, this reaction is changed or damaged. People who have PTSD may feel stressed or frightened even when they’re no longer in danger." ( National Institute of Mental Health)
It is very difficult for children that have PTSD because they can be misunderstood often times. They clearly regress into younger years and can revert back to days of infancy. The presentations can expose itself in many different ways, sadness, anger, nervousness, jumpiness, bed wetting, night sweats, reliving the event that caused fear and harm and so on.
As a mother of two children who have PTSD, I know how helpless a parent can feel, the shear frustration and the rollercoaster of emotions is horrific in itself. In my children's case, a boy whom is now 12 and a daughter who will be 11 in 2 weeks, they present very differently.
My son, a very shy and quiet boy, very athletic and also very caring has reacted in anger and in physical ways ( throwing things, gestures, damaging some of his things). He also has pulled away from me as he blames me for his personal injury because I was not there. He has periods of deep sadness and fear. He has withdrawn himself from family and he suffers a lot in silence. His grades have spiraled down and he does not care, he has frequent nightmares and night sweats. Panic attacks and sudden feelings of doom.
My daughter is a very outgoing young girl, always wanting to be a part of something. She was hurt worss and she has regressed into frequent tantrums, bed wetting, severe sadness and depression, bouts of anger and feeling that she will never be normal again. Frequent panic attacks and is afraid to be in her bedroom alone. She has not slept with out me for over a year!
Heart breaking to say the least as a mom and Life Coach who specializes in anxiety disorders, that I am helpless. I have tried all my techniques, but I am just too close to the situation. These two children attended an Indoor water park last February, where the chlorine levels were 40 and 50 times the normal level and they suffered from 2nd degree burns covering their bodies in entirety. Along with heart issues, asthma and chronic joint pain and chronic skin rashes that burn and itch and form blisters.
These children cannot go swimming like they used to love to do, in a chlorinated pool or ocean. They have had to discontinue soccer, track, Cross Country, gymnastics due to adverse reactions.
If you are parent and you think your child may be suffering with PTSD, it is not something that only war veterans suffer from. It can affect anyone at any age. Seek the help they need and always try to remain positive, although it is hard at times and your emotions can run high, please for your kids sake, don't let them see you hurting as well.
My children do see a professional psychologist and cognitive behavior therapy is helpful. In my experience, gaining trust back in the medical profession would be an improvement for my children.
Try not to beat yourself up as a parent, no matter what your expertise, a parent is too close and too emotionally involved. It takes time, but seeking professional help does make a difference. Never be afraid to ask!
Kristen L. Baker, M.L.C.,M.S.L.C.,Wellness Coach
www.lifecoachingforyou.net
Monday, April 13, 2009
Tips to Overcome Obsessions
Today is a great day to write about obsessions. Yes, even I have an obsession.....I have to vacuum daily and I cannot have any items on my counter tops. As I think back to last week, which was a whirlwind week for me, many functions to cater, clients to coach and a friend of the family's funeral, but I still had to vacuum each say before I left the house. I had voiced my frustration to my dad about my being so anal about this. I told him it was causing me stress, but I have to have my house clean.
I started thinking about the WHY? After much thought, I found the why. Why do I have to have my house so clean and vacuum and have empty counters? My pride of ownership! It took a lot of work to have the house I have and I want it to look nice and be proud of it. There is no real obsession, it is pride. I also have 3 dogs that make it nearly impossible not to vacuum daily, all in all, it is due to the want to have things look nice.
The problem I have with this, however, is that my house does not look lived in, therefore, losing that comfort that I strive for. Everyday, I look around and ask myself, what can I do to cozy it up? I will figure it out someday.
There is a difference between my cleanliness and someone who is obsessing and repetitively doing the same thing over and over again. For example, germs, those nasty things that we can never be completely free of, no matter what we do. There are millions of people out there that wash there hands over and over again until they crack and bleed, just out of pure fear of getting ill.
This is not rational, productive or a good use of one's time. Tips for trying to ward off germs is to:
I started thinking about the WHY? After much thought, I found the why. Why do I have to have my house so clean and vacuum and have empty counters? My pride of ownership! It took a lot of work to have the house I have and I want it to look nice and be proud of it. There is no real obsession, it is pride. I also have 3 dogs that make it nearly impossible not to vacuum daily, all in all, it is due to the want to have things look nice.
The problem I have with this, however, is that my house does not look lived in, therefore, losing that comfort that I strive for. Everyday, I look around and ask myself, what can I do to cozy it up? I will figure it out someday.
There is a difference between my cleanliness and someone who is obsessing and repetitively doing the same thing over and over again. For example, germs, those nasty things that we can never be completely free of, no matter what we do. There are millions of people out there that wash there hands over and over again until they crack and bleed, just out of pure fear of getting ill.
This is not rational, productive or a good use of one's time. Tips for trying to ward off germs is to:
- Wash your hands after you go to the bathroom
- Wash your hands before eating
- Wash your hands or use sanitizer after shopping
- Cover your mouth when you cough
- Do not visit friends when they are sick
- Don't put your hands in your mouth
Repetitively washing hands does not prevent germs from being passed on, it is all in one's mind. Washing hands after the things listed above is sufficient.
There was a former client of mine who always had to go back into her house to make sure the stove was shut off. She would come in from outside and check and go back out and come back in. Time consuming at the very least. So many of the obsessions that we have are due to a lack of trust or confidence in ourselves.
- Learn to relax
- If there are certain ritualistic things you do daily, change the routine
- Make a check list of things to check before you leave the House and bring it with you when you leave to assure yourself it is checked.
- Don't worry so much.
I am going to be writing more on this topic as OCD is prevalent and it does not have to be.
Take time to relax and trust yourself!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Why Not You?
All too often I hear clients, friends and more say they cannot have or do what others do. My first thought is why not? Why is that so many think they cannot achieve what others have? This is epidemic. It is affecting families across the world living less than their dream lives.
All too often our inner thoughts come from our upbringing nad what we were told as a child, but those days are over, it is in the past and we only have now and the present. Why not you?
Success is within us all, confidence and motivation may not be, but these are things than can be achieved by taking risks, trying new things and showing yourself you can do it! Do not let anyone tell you can't, becasue you can. If you want something, you can go after it and get it. there is nothing stopping you but you! I do not believe that there is anyone in this world that cannot achieve their goals and dreams. It may be harder for some, but still reachable.
So, next time someone says you can't do or have what someone else does, you say, Why not me?
All too often our inner thoughts come from our upbringing nad what we were told as a child, but those days are over, it is in the past and we only have now and the present. Why not you?
Success is within us all, confidence and motivation may not be, but these are things than can be achieved by taking risks, trying new things and showing yourself you can do it! Do not let anyone tell you can't, becasue you can. If you want something, you can go after it and get it. there is nothing stopping you but you! I do not believe that there is anyone in this world that cannot achieve their goals and dreams. It may be harder for some, but still reachable.
So, next time someone says you can't do or have what someone else does, you say, Why not me?
Sunday, March 29, 2009
You can if you choose
Often times I hear the words " I can't" from new clients. I actually like when I hear that because it is fun to help them see they Can do it if the choose. There are many excuses in the human mind to NOT DO, that if 1/2 of them were eliminated, there would be so much more productive things happening on an individual level and professional as well.
When you are thinking, " I Can't Do it" Stop yourself in that instant and ask yourself, Why Can't I? Is this an excuse or more of, I don't want to or I am afraid to fail? Think about this. Each time you say " You Can't" you are giving in to the lesser you and losing opportunities!
So yes you can!
When you are thinking, " I Can't Do it" Stop yourself in that instant and ask yourself, Why Can't I? Is this an excuse or more of, I don't want to or I am afraid to fail? Think about this. Each time you say " You Can't" you are giving in to the lesser you and losing opportunities!
So yes you can!
Fear No More
Your body is trembling, your heart is racing, and sweat is rolling down your brow. Trying to take that first step in the world of the unknown. The what if thinking scenario has you spiraling with the ever so unpleasant sensations, will they ever stop? After 9/11, you became housebound, frightened of the outside world, and gave up all that was once routine in your life. With every passing day, the mere prospect of stepping out that front door became more crippling. Fear is winning the battle and you are succumbing. Thoughts of worst case scenario and anticipation keep you in that feared, agoraphobic place. Why am I like this? How come everyone else can be normal? Why me? These are all common questions you ask yourself due to the fear. You watch your children leave for school each and every day, your husband kisses you goodbye and goes off to work, and there you sit. Surrounded by four walls, a prison that you have created for yourself. You are lonely and unsure. Does this sound familiar to you? If it does to you or someone you know, there is hope. More than hope, there is freedom behind that fear. One step at a time, one change at a time, and one new day at a time. Each step and each day brings you closer to freedom. You may doubt the possibility as you have tried everything with no results. There are no gimmicks or quick fixes to the feared and agoraphobic. No magic pill, no miracle cure, it is all within you! A scary prospect thinking that it is up to you, but on the flip side, it is pure power! Power that is within you! You must start by making the decision to change! Your thinking needs to be one that is positive, motivating, and empowering. Believing in yourself is the critical element. If you speak to yourself with the “I can’t do this” how will you ever change your life as it is now? Clearly, it will not change, what needs to change first is your self talk and belief in yourself. As hard as it may be, it is purely possible and is being done each and every day. You are not worse or different than anyone else who has fear, you are not weaker or less able, and you are strong and very much able. The decision is yourself and the power is within you!As a life coach who has experienced many fears and phobias, avoidance behaviors, anxiety, and lack of belief in myself, I can assure you, this can be done. I have done it and I never thought I could regain my life, but I did and much more than I ever thought possible. You can do the same. With proper understanding of the fear and a commitment on your part, you will be out that door in no time.
After my decision was made to change my thoughts, attitude and belief in myself, I found my passion and purpose. I took several courses and earned my Certified Master Life Coach Designation, Spiritual Coach, and Wellness Coach Designation. I published my first book in 2005, titled It’s Okay to Have Anxiety ... Really! which shares my story and what I did to overcome. I had to share the tools I created wit the world and give others hope and compassion at the same time. You do not have to live behind closed doors anymore. You do not have to wave from the window as your family members leave the house, you can join them. Think of your avoidant, feared life as a closed chapter to your story and start a whole new chapter of your life filled with joy, confidence, security, and fulfillment. It is all yours for the wanting. You can be feared no more.
After my decision was made to change my thoughts, attitude and belief in myself, I found my passion and purpose. I took several courses and earned my Certified Master Life Coach Designation, Spiritual Coach, and Wellness Coach Designation. I published my first book in 2005, titled It’s Okay to Have Anxiety ... Really! which shares my story and what I did to overcome. I had to share the tools I created wit the world and give others hope and compassion at the same time. You do not have to live behind closed doors anymore. You do not have to wave from the window as your family members leave the house, you can join them. Think of your avoidant, feared life as a closed chapter to your story and start a whole new chapter of your life filled with joy, confidence, security, and fulfillment. It is all yours for the wanting. You can be feared no more.
March 29,2009, Making a difference
Today is a glorious day. What an amzing feeling it is to aid in changing ones life for the better. A client of mine, we will call him Joe, has just made a huge step in his life. Fearful of almost everything and believing he couldn't do anything, wasn't good enough or worthy, has just entered in to the world. He has been behind closed doors for so long, but with my coaching, he decided to put one step in front of the other and make a move. A move that ahs been years in the waiting but he just did not have the confidene and motivation to do it.
He has gotten out from behind the closed doors and found himself a job that he never thought was possible. Through his anxieties and fears, he still put one foot in front of the other and entered into that interview and won them over. If he didn't have a coach, he would still be behind those 4 walls and thinking it was never possible. This is why I love my job so much. He is living his dream!
He has gotten out from behind the closed doors and found himself a job that he never thought was possible. Through his anxieties and fears, he still put one foot in front of the other and entered into that interview and won them over. If he didn't have a coach, he would still be behind those 4 walls and thinking it was never possible. This is why I love my job so much. He is living his dream!
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